Thoughtmail June 2005 from Dr. Michael Radkowsky, Licensed Psychologist

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. - Licensed Psychologist

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June 2005

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D.

A Question That Can Change Your Life

Most of us like to see ourselves as living up to our own values. For example, you might like to think of yourself as someone who keeps your word, or as someone who treats those you love with respect.

And most of us sometimes act in a way that doesn't match our vision of who we want to be. We are, after all, human. You might handle this dissonance by overlooking it, or by reassuring yourself that you really are the person you'd like to be—with a few exceptions, now and then.

But the truth is, it is our actions, not our ideals, that define who we truly are. When you are not satisfied with the reality of how you conduct yourself, I think there is value in looking closely at why your behavior is diverging from how you would like to be. At such moments, you might want to contemplate this question:

"What kind of person do I want to be?"

When you ask yourself this question, you pay attention to how you handle yourself, all the time. You notice how you treat yourself and others. When you ask yourself this question, you can not ignore behaviors that do not match your dream of who you want to be. Instead, you take responsibility for your self, carefully choosing who you want to be by carefully choosing who you are, moment by moment.

Thinking about the kind of person you want to be is not only a way to meet the standards you set for yourself. It can also help you to develop greater clarity about how you want to live your life. You may find yourself wondering:

What do I want to stand for?

What kind of partner, parent, child, or friend do I want to be?

What are my goals?

What is essential for me to accomplish while I am on this earth?

How do I want to respond to the difficulties I encounter?

Challenging yourself to answer questions such as these, and challenging yourself to meet the expectations that you develop for yourself, can be extremely satisfying. I often observe that as a person develops a clear vision of who he or she wants to be, and strives to match this ideal, self-esteem improves. I find it profound and thrilling that all of us possess this ability to increase self-worth.

In my work, I help people to develop their own clear vision of who they want to be, and to find ways to live in accordance with their vision. This can be hard work, for many reasons. For example, it isn't always easy to face things about yourself that you don't like, to recognize that you are not acting in a way that you respect. Nor is it easy to change old and familiar ways of behaving, even when you don't like the way you are doing things. And it can sometimes be difficult to figure out how to conduct yourself in a way that has integrity for you.

But it is possible to live in accordance with your ideal vision of yourself. When you ask, "What kind of person do I want to be?", you are beginning a process that can transform your entire life.

This Thoughtmail may be forwarded in full without special permission, provided that it is used for not-for-profit purposes, and provided that full attribution and copyright notice are given. For other purposes, contact Michael Radkowsky at michael@personalgrowthzone.com.

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Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D.
Licensed Psychologist

3000 Connecticut Avenue, NW
Suite 137
Washington, DC 20008
202-234-3278

michael@personalgrowthzone.com
www.personalgrowthzone.com