Speaking Up: Cons and Pros

by Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D.

Do you ever choose to shut down, rather than pursuing an important conversation with someone whom you care about? Most of us do, from time to time. Why do we make this choice? I can think of several reasons.

You may fear that if you say what you really feel, you will have a fight.
You may not want to push things too far, out of fear that you may endanger the relationship.
You may be afraid to hear what the other person really feels. For instance, sometimes we don't want to know that a person who is important to us feels very differently than we do.
If you start talking about an important matter, you may be forced to acknowledge your bottom line, to the other person and to yourself. Taking a stand can be scary, especially if doing so means that things have to change.
Letting the other person know you better can feel uncomfortable, for many reasons.

There is a delicate balance here. It doesn't always make sense to speak up, especially in haste. But when you find yourself avoiding discussions about important issues, you may want to consider the benefits of moving toward the other person, rather backing away. These can include:

Getting unstuck. When you address a sticky issue, there is the possibility of resolution or change.
Revealing more of yourself, so that the other person can know you better.
The prospect of learning more about the other person, if he or she chooses to share with you.

Calmly talking about a difficult issue can be a challenge. You need to be able to soothe yourself when you get scared or angry, because fear and anger make it hard to speak and listen thoughtfully. Because I work with people to develop this skill, I know that it is possible, over time, to address tough issues with someone you care about by moving toward that person.

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This article may be forwarded in full without special permission, provided that it is used for not-for-profit purposes, and provided that full attribution and copyright notice are given. For other purposes, contact Michael Radkowsky at michael@personalgrowthzone.com.

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Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D.
Licensed Psychologist

~ 20 years experience ~

"I help clients create strong relationships and fulfilling lives."

3000 Connecticut Avenue, NW, Suite 137
Washington, DC 20008

Ready to take the next step?
Call or e-mail Dr. Michael Radkowsky:

202.234.3278

michael@personalgrowthzone.com
www.personalgrowthzone.com