Moving Out of Victimhood

by Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D.

Why do many of us sometimes enjoy feeling that we have been wronged?

Almost no-one takes pleasure in being hurt, cheated, or scammed outright. Yet, it can feel satisfying to be the "injured party" when someone close doesn't treat us as we would like. Is this feeling familiar to you?

Here are some possible benefits to being a "victim":

You can feel that you have the moral high ground
You can attribute your unhappiness to someone else
You can feel sorry for yourself, which may allow you to treat yourself better than you usually do
You don't have to examine your own behavior, or make any changes in how you conduct yourself, because you haven't done anything wrong
You don't have to take any difficult or challenging action to improve the situation, because what happened is not at all your fault
Being in this position may be comfortable simply because it is an old and familiar pattern in your life.

There are, however, some significant drawbacks to accepting this role:

You are allowing yourself to be helpless
You are stepping out of the driver's seat in your life
You are letting someone else's behavior determine how you feel
You are blaming someone you may care about
You are bringing resentment and anger into the relationship
If you don't challenge yourself to consider your part in what happened, you are setting yourself up to be "wronged" again and again.

After reading this list, changing this dynamic probably seems like a great idea. But how do you start?

Your first step might be to take a good, hard look at yourself and acknowledge your own role in how things go. This is difficult to do alone. For many reasons, it is much easier to see other people's faults, than it is to explore what you are contributing to a bad situation.

Working with someone who is outside of the system can help you to clearly see your part, and to constructively use this insight. When you approach yourself and your relationship with integrity, many wonderful changes are possible.

For help with your relationship, click here to learn about couples therapy in Washington DC with Dr. Michael Radkowsky.

Click here to learn about individual psychotherapy in Washington DC with Dr. Michael Radkowsky.

This article may be forwarded in full without special permission, provided that it is used for not-for-profit purposes, and provided that full attribution and copyright notice are given. For other purposes, contact Michael Radkowsky at michael@personalgrowthzone.com.

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Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D.
Licensed Psychologist

~ 20 years experience ~

"I help clients create strong relationships and fulfilling lives."

3000 Connecticut Avenue, NW, Suite 137
Washington, DC 20008

Ready to take the next step?
Call or e-mail Dr. Michael Radkowsky:

202.234.3278

michael@personalgrowthzone.com
www.personalgrowthzone.com