Thoughtmail August 2003 from Dr. Michael Radkowsky, Licensed Psychologist

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. - Licensed Psychologist

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August 2003

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D.

Facing Your Anxiety

Most of us don't like feeling anxious, so we'll do whatever we can to lower our anxiety. Exercise, meditation, medication, food, and alcohol are just some of the ways we push aside our worries and try to relax.

Here's an alternative approach: Tolerating anxiety, rather than avoiding or numbing it, can be highly worthwhile. Here, I'm defining anxiety as the uncomfortable feeling you experience when you approach something that you would rather not deal with. (If you are dealing with constant, paralyzing worry, this is a step beyond anxiety and requires a different approach from what I'm talking about here.) Allowing yourself to sit with discomfort can help you get unstuck and change your life for the better.

See if this rings true in your own life: Think about a close personal relationship you have. If you are like most people, you probably don't like stress or fighting, so you often avoid issues that may bring these into your relationship. Is this true for you?

Well, what's wrong with that? Why not keep away from areas that bring on anxiety?

Here are some points to consider:

When you don't face the issues that are troubling you, they may get worse. Even if they don't, you may become increasingly angry, resentful, depressed, or hopeless as things remain the same.

Keeping things calm on the surface can actually create distance between you and someone you love, if you aren't addressing what is really going on.

By staying away from areas that make you anxious, you may miss opportunities to grow and to change your life for the better.

If you do want to face difficult issues, but the idea of doing so is scary, you can develop your capacity to tolerate anxiety. In my practice, I work with clients to build the skills they need to face the toughest circumstances that life brings. These skills include:

The ability to soothe yourself.

The ability to calm your own anxiety.

The ability to remember who you are.

The ability to make difficult choices.

The ability to take time to change a situation.

Learning these skills can take time and great effort, but I think the hard work is worthwhile. The payoff may be that you become stronger in relation to yourself and to others, able to mediate difficult relationships, and better-equipped to tackle whatever life throws at you.

This Thoughtmail may be forwarded in full without special permission, provided that it is used for not-for-profit purposes, and provided that full attribution and copyright notice are given. For other purposes, contact Michael Radkowsky at michael@personalgrowthzone.com.

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Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D.
Licensed Psychologist

3000 Connecticut Avenue, NW
Suite 137
Washington, DC 20008
202-234-3278

michael@personalgrowthzone.com
www.personalgrowthzone.com