Holiday Time with Your Family: Tips for Smooth Sailing

by Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D.

"I'm not looking forward to Christmas," Sid* tells me. "My sister-in-law is horrible. She criticizes everything, even my parenting skills. And whenever I call her on it, she acts all innocent, like she hasn't done anything. Like I'm the crazy one."

"How am I going to get through the holidays?" Lorna asks. "My brother is awful to be around. He gets drunk, he complains about his life, he blames all of us for not being supportive. It's really no fun to be there."

"Every year, it's the same," says Joe. "Somehow my parents and I end up at each other's throats. They always find something to criticize. That I won't go to Church ...that I'm not successful enough in my career...that I'm gay. Eventually I take the bait and attack them right back. It's miserable. I don't want to go home this year and deal with all that stress!"

So many people struggle with difficult relationships with their families, and tensions often worsen around the holidays, when families gather.

If you are dreading a family holiday celebration, here are some tips to help you successfully navigate the next few weeks:

First, remember that you can't change anyone else. So, trying to persuade a family member that you are right and they are wrong is unlikely to take you anywhere but down.

Second, you can change yourself. If you find yourself getting pulled into squabbles or vicious fights, work to calm yourself so that you respond thoughtfully instead of reacting in haste and anger. You might find it helpful to take some deep breaths or go for a walk. And, aspire not to take it personally when others make remarks that seem hurtful.

Keep in mind that responding thoughtfully in a difficult situation is always hard work.

Third, actively consider what you can do to improve the situation rather than make it worse. Some useful questions to ask yourself:

How am I handling myself in this situation?
Am I pouring gasoline on the fire, and thinking I'm not?
Am I subtly jabbing the other person?
Am I doing my best here?

Finally, remember that alcohol makes it more difficult to behave thoughtfully.

I wish you a wonderful holiday season. And, if you continue to struggle with difficult family relationships in 2011, feel free to give me a call. I will be glad to help you figure out how you can do your best to successfully manage tough conflicts.

*All names and identifying details altered in this article.

Click here to learn about individual therapy in Washington DC with Dr. Michael Radkowsky.

For help with your relationship, click here to learn about couples counseling in Washington DC with Dr. Michael Radkowsky.

This article may be forwarded in full without special permission, provided that it is used for not-for-profit purposes, and provided that full attribution and copyright notice are given. For other purposes, contact Michael Radkowsky at michael@personalgrowthzone.com.

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Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D.
Licensed Psychologist

~ 20 years experience ~

"I help clients create strong relationships and fulfilling lives."

3000 Connecticut Avenue, NW, Suite 137
Washington, DC 20008

Ready to take the next step?
Call or e-mail Dr. Michael Radkowsky:

202.234.3278

michael@personalgrowthzone.com
www.personalgrowthzone.com